Outside my extremely warm hotel suite

When we arrived at the airport in Charlotte my untraveled friend Dave informed me he was not aware he couldn’t take his pocket knife on the plane.  The quick decision was made to toss the knife in the trash before we reach security so we’re he’s not cavity searched and we’re I’m not delayed any further.  On the way to security we decide to play it safe and check with two TSA officers about the nail clippers he has also seen fit to carry with him (apparently I’m an unkempt bastard who never trims my nails during travel).  They advise us the nail clippers won’t be a problem… as long has we don’t have any knives, chuckle chuckle (these fuckers were psychics).

I pass thru security with no problems.  I assume this is because training to be a terrorist involves actual training and it’s obvious from about 40 feet away exercise is not one of the ways I choose to kill time.  While I’m putting my shoes back on I notice Dave speaking to another TSA officer who is holding his backpack.  Dave’s not one for patience with law enforcement so for a few seconds there is a lot of huffing and eye rolling until Mr. TSA shuts this attitude down with the question, “Why do you have a box cutter?”  He now has Dave’s full attention.  Immediately after the box cutter in question was found yet another even larger pocket knife is pulled from Dave’s bag.  I now realize I may be making the rest of this trip solo. 

Now, forgetting one pocket knife in your possession is probably standard practice in the south.  Considering we both live in a very small rural town the second knife in question is possibly acceptable as well (easy city folk, where we come from sometimes it is necessary to field dress a bear just before lunch).  However, I’m fairly certain the even screaming children who are about to annoy everyone without noise canceling headphones (thank you Bose) are aware that the entire reason we need this facade of safety is because of a few box cutters that made it thru a few years back.

The TSA officer has finally finished the search of Dave’s bag and informs him he has a few options.  Dave informed me later at this point he was sure one of the options was going to be handcuffs and a finger in his ass.  But, apparently there is no god because my prayers were not answered.  Dave’s options were:

1.  remove the blade and keep the box cutter (more on this later)

2.  throw both WMD’s away.

3.  pay $10 each to mail each item home.

Dave opt’d to mail the knife home and throw the box cutter away out of appreciation for not presenting any of the options he had imagined.  Great, now I have to buy Dave a knife to replace the one I had him throw away earlier.  

A half hour later Dave interrupts my barrage of witty lines concerning his previous situation to inform me the TSA officer admitted they did not see the box cutter in the xray.  Since they didn’t see the box cutter, isn’t it possible everyone also missed the extra blades he might have been carrying?  Would this not present a problem with the option to remove the blade and let him keep the frame?

So, what have we all learned from Dave’s misfortune?  That’s right it’s good to be white.  While I’m not a racist this is the first instance in my life where I have actually stopped to realize how skin color provided preferential treatment.  It also made me remember that from certain angles I look like a mexican and that’s close enough for some southerners to middle eastern and had that been my cutting apparatus it’s quite possible I would sucking dick in cuba right now.