I am the proud parent of a special needs child.  She needs me to make sure she doesn’t shit, and then get back into the bath to clean her ass.  This is what I found my 5 year old doing last week as I walked past her standing in the bath tub.  I started to ignore her stance but something told me to investigate further.  As I looked in the toilet I found a present similar to those I’ve left in friend’s apartments, only this bowl was missing something… toilet paper.  When asked what her reason was for not wiping her ass, she politely informed me she was in the process of completing the process in question.  I then noticed her bath sponge wedged between her butt cheeks.

This obviously doesn’t make my kid retarded, and based on the fact that she was cleaning it and not smearing it on the wall I’d say she’s not Brazilian.  She could have just been taking my constant advice on time management, however I’m not convinced on that one because she wasn’t texting anyone during the incident.  I’m going to justify the situation by saying she’s a budding environmentalist.  Her refusal to flush the toilet was a stance on water conservation.  Obviously someone with such green ideals would also be concerned about the fact that none of our toilet paper is made from recycled materials (I like the stuff with the lotion).  Her age limits her finance and transportation options so purchasing her own recycled tree bark isn’t a choice that’s available to her.  With a bath tub already full of water less than three feet away, and a biodegradable bath sponge suitable for the task at hand, my daughter made the only decision her morals would allow.  She stood up for her beliefs society be damned.  She fought for change.  And then she changed her sponge and bath water and washed her little filthy ass again.