Aspiring groupie?

Nico - because we’re big Blind Melon fans

My eldest daughter just turned 6 a few days ago.  In 2002, I spent just over three weeks in Italy and when I got back the not-yet-wife picked me up at the airport, we made it to the house but not to the couch.  Now we’re having a baby, and what perfect timing.  We’re not married (who gives a shit), I travel 98k miles a year for work (great, I’ll never have to change a diaper), the wife works two jobs (babies sleep, car doors lock from the outside to keep them safe), we live in the wrong school district (huh?), the cab company knows when we’re in town they’re supposed to drive past our house to take us to the bar (now we save the cab fare and half the drink money for her college fund), and… we hate children.  So what do you get when two open minded child hating drunks pop out a pooper of their own?  You get a well behaved baby (because she’s seen how we treat other children), a 2 year old that waterproofs a pug with diaper rash ointment (because the dog looked like she might need a swim), a 2.5 year old that tries to wear nothing but pink cowboy boots to dinner (because she knows the restaurant doesn’t have a kids menu but she wants her food for free), a 3 year old that debunks religion by pointing out that the fish didn’t drown in the flood, she’s seen the top of the clouds from a plane and didn’t much else, and she thinks it’s great if you get too see all the people and neat stuff in heaven but it’s stupid that you have to die to get there (I didn’t prompt any of that, I swear), a 4 year old that knows not to repeat anything daddy says (I shouldn’t have to explain this, she could go to jail), a 5 year old that runs 45 mph on a go-cart but won’t take the training wheels off her bike (because she hates the environment), and a 6 year old that could give a shit about Bugs Bunny but better not miss Iron Chef (because her father never met a stripper that could cook).