The image above is sort of a “Where’s Waldo the racism” type game.  I took this at a gun show I attended a month or so ago with my step father and two other comedians who will remain nameless so I can give an honest summary of the events of the day.  When they read this they can feel free to post additional stories from that day and take credit for their part.  

The day began with the four of us standing in line discussing a problem one of the other comics was having and after I uttered the phrase, “call the IRS” the nosey conspiracy theorist in front of us explained in an elevated tone that the IRS was illegal and any association with that organization is a crime as well.  Yippie!  The nutbags are out and it’s going to be a good day.  That is, as long as we remain calm.  In any normal setting filled with crazy, religious, political, and war torn twitchy assholes with no shortage of opinions we would make every conversation uncomfortable and push it to the brink of a physical altercation.  The difference in this scenario is everyone is packing, there is no shortage of extra ammunition, and there are four of us and five thousand of them.

After we got inside there were two key parts of the day that made me giggle.  The first was one of the other comics continuously asking the most obviously racist individuals “what kind of gun is the best to get when a nigga be trippin?”  No one ever answered the question but he kept trying.  The second was when I was able to quickly snap the image at the top of the post without getting shot.  Take a close look at this picture and make sure you take it all in.  You start by noticing the title of the songbook “When a Coon Sits in the Presidential Chair.”  This particular item was for sale for $1500 but I’m fairly certain the purchase comes with a free addition of your name to several FBI files.  Then you notice the original copy of an Atlanta newspaper with a headline from the day MLK was shot with one of Hitler’s headshots leaning against it.  On the table is a picture of the Rosenbergs, a jar of jelly beans, and a pair of bedazzled baby moccasins.  Just out of frame they had a written contract on the life of Frederick Douglas and jar of tears from the original trail.

A chair that allows anal?

Hasidic bear?

Easter towel or Jr. Klansman outfit?

My father was right. You can’t hide money.

Most of it appears to be fried. I’ve been in this bar for over 3 hours. This guy has been eating the entire time.

The proof is at exit 99 on I-79 where for less than $7 you can purchase a final meal that will make you shit your own heart.

Photo credit goes to Matt Davis. If all goes well this weekend I’ll post some more pictures he took of his girlfriend’s vagina.

It's as if the sign can predict the future

This train track runs thru the middle of the small town I live in.  There are five places to cross the tracks within a 1/2 mile and two of them are impossible with a truck and a trailer.  The town is littered with signs informing drivers of this issue yet at least once a week I get to look at a scene exactly like the one above I photographed this morning.  There are however a few things the picture doesn’t show you:

1.  The man in orange is attempting to jack up a fully loaded 53′ trailer and rest it on a wooden pallet.  

2.  On the other side of the truck is a train waiting very impatiently.

3.  This has been going on for 3 hours.

4.  In 15 more minutes, there will be two trains waiting… only the next one is coming the opposite direction.

5.  Someone in the crowd watching this fiasco is blaming it on Obama.

This is the problem with living in a free country.  If the same scenario took place in China the truck driver would have pulled that trailer thru an elementary school to keep from disobeying those signs.  I think we can all learn something from this.  Instructions on signs must be followed.