It’s time you all meet my friend Maurica Rodriguez.  When you’re done here, hit the Ditch Films channel on youtube and enjoy the genius.

It should be noted for any racists that may be reading this, this puppy was white.  I think we’ve all learned something here.  Carry on.

Yes I live here in the states with you but it’s things like this that make me long to return to those in my family who live in a better place.  A place that allows this video to broadcast on public television and make an ass out of everyone with a TV news career since Walter Cronkite called Dan Rather a dipshit.

If I can find a natural gas provider with a BBQ commercial and a dentist that will polish up my teefs I can have a racist service industry hat trick.

I’m pretty sure you should relax if a hard stare thru a webcam can crack a rib.

I only wish I had the free time that must be necessary to put something like this together.  If I ever do figure out a way to clear that much off my schedule I’m going to start with a bunch of Dane Cook clips.  I’ll let Dane start the jokes and Louis C.K. can finish them since he wrote them.

I’m considering sueing CBS in my daughter’s name for plagiarizing the conversation she has with me every afternoon when I pick her up from school.  The video above is his portion of this week’s 60 Minutes where in less than 3 minutes he covers the following topics:  the holidays, the election (it was good was his take on it), the superbowl, the oscars, TV ratings, TV in August, how to spell February, which months are fun, endings suck, football starts earlier than it used to, a quick pause to check his own grammar, NY has weather, LA doesn’t, all movies are the same, do they sell more clothes in NY because of the weather, he owns one suit.

This is the exact flow of any conversation with a 5 year old as long as no one interrupts them.  I don’t watch 60 minutes very often, but I know he has had real points in the past.  Like the time he made the point that too much gay sex leads to premature death, Kurt Cobain was a pussy for killing himself, and the time he said there is no god.  So why if he’s taken a stance so many other times is he allowed to ramble now?  I think it’s obvious.  He’s not 80 he’s 5 and Leslie Stahl is protecting him because she fell in love with him in the 80′s when he was 30.

Matt Davis and me + beer + a guy who wants someone to pay to punch him in he face + a pocket full of cash = video gold.

Thanks to flipcam (now in HD) you get to see what it’s like when I ignore my children and leave my house to get trashed and point out the flaws of the less fortunate.

This is my friend Andy and his ridiculous hair.  Drunks in the background = me and Matt Davis.