I have recently pulled all the disney princess movies from our collection and they are banned from viewing until by all females in my house.  I did this because every one of those movies seems to be written for young men instead of young girls.  The mermaid is cool but better with legs, Cinderella’s hot for the trailer park but put her in versace and it’s a whole new chic.  Sleeping Beauty, the Beast, all of them teach young men the exact same thing.  Get a girl with baggage and she’s fun for a few weeks but if you want to spend the rest of your life with her you’ve gotta clean the bitch up first.

I think all men need a girl with issues, they’re great.  But make sure they’re daddy issues, not uncle issues.  You want one that wasn’t loved enough, daddy left when she was young, or traveled for a living.  That girl will straddle your lap while you’re driving down the interstate, but she still holds down a job that requires a business suit (sans panties). You don’t want one with a greasy uncle that made her watch him lick bra ads in cosmo.  She’s great for the 4 years she’s pulling in $1200 a night snorting bumps during a private dance but after that her only career options have her and her meth dimples rocking out to $6 an hour 3rd shift at the pump house.  She’s only there because she didn’t realize that job was pumping gas.

If you let your girls watch disney movies they get the wrong idea and start believing in all that happily ever after shit.  If they believe in it, then the guy who rides his bike to the bar and and lives in a school bus is going to be able convince your little girl that together they can make a difference in the world.  But if she never watched those movies she doesn’t believe in happily ever after and then she’ll know that guy is not the ticket to her happiness he’s just an asshole who can’t afford to make meth without stealing the change from his nana’s purse.