After being alive for just over 13 months (unless you’re a religious person then she’s been around since I missed her mother’s mouth) my kid decided to walk today.  I wasn’t there to see it, but the wife told me and she’s not one to bullshit about such things.  While I do think some congratulations are in order I have a simple question:  What the fuck took so long?

I direct that question not just to my kid but to all children.  Puppies generally take just a few days to walk and I think they taught a chimp sign language in a few months.  Yet the supposedly smartest of all species takes forever to learn to communicate effectively and travel on it’s own.  I assume the answer must be evolution.  Animals that tend to get killed and/or eaten soon after birth have learned to get their ass in gear, scream for help, and run the fuck away at a pretty early age.  Since we protect our little monsters I guess we evolved them into laziness.  Maybe if we kick the shit out of some of the less important ones (future fat band kids and anyone that lives in Fort Smith, AR) we can force an evolutionary shift that will make things happen a little quicker.

As these changes tend to take thousands of years I’ll do my part by teaching my youngest something fun.  Fun for me anyway.  I figure I got the first one right, now it’s time to play.  At present we’re learning the dog is in fact called a gorilla and I’m teaching her to talk like a parrot.  If all goes well her kindergarten class introduction will be something like, “I’m a pretty bird, and I have a pet gorilla.”