In the last 14 months I’ve had an accidental house fire, accidental child, and someone accidentally totaled my truck while it was parked. My new dog eats it’s own shit, my new daughter shits more than she eats, and my old neighbor’s wife won’t keep her nose out of my shit. We painted our red house grey, traded my brown truck for a blue car, and my liver may be the reason I’m yellow. My wife got nicer, my act got meaner, and did I mention my neighbor’s wife is a cunt? My mother-in-law claimed her shortness of breath was a heart attack, a bruise on her head was a blood clot, and I’m an asshole (that one she got right although I’m surprised she didn’t call me rectal cancer). My wife got her 2nd college degree, my daughter started kindergarden, and I got kicked out of the PTA. I paid for tubes to be tied, nuts to be cut, and still got told nothing is 100%. I bought a scooter and wrecked it, a go-cart and flipped it, and a 26′ couch and fucked the wife on it. Four of us lived in an 800 square foot house for 8 months, two of us drove 800 miles to perform for 12 people, and one of us calls the cops every third day at 8:00 to claim his neighbor’s wife may have died in her sleep. I started adding faces to my book, I use tweetdeck and twinkle for my twitter, and I pressed some words to create this very useless blog.