I was going to type this long ass blog about all the shit that happened in Memphis the weekend leading up to the Sinner’s Ball and then I just got tired of it and decided to throw up the short version.  Here it is, read fast.  Kerry White picked us up at the airport wearing nothing but boots, a cowboy hat, and a bath robe.  Not even the cops gave him a 2nd look.  I highly recommend the Sun Studios tour.  It’s especially cool when you see pictures of people recording there standing beside the same shit hanging on the wall you’re standing beside.  If you find yourself bored with the food you’re eating in your town, go to Memphis.  Everything tastes like a mistake, in a good way.  A podcast called Ron White’s little sister Shea a tranny and it appears they learned the lesson of fucking with someone who has 150,000 listeners when you only have 150.  I responded to the podcast by showing them the ballon knot between my ass cheeks and my ball sack.  The actual Sinner’s Ball show went great and I got to hear a pregnant chic on stage say “sucking dick for mommy’s smack by 2:00.”  Comedy Central would never air that, get out to your local clubs queers.  The guy in the picture above is Wild Bill who conned several of us into getting him free beer while we were getting Shea a ride on a mechanical bull, only to have her defeated by a 4 year old who out rode her not once, but twice.  I’m fairly certain this may be the only time anyone has typed a truthful sentence that involved a 4 year old “out riding” Shea.

Thanks to Kerry and Tracy for letting us crash at their big ass house and waking up at the crack of dawn to feed us.  Thanks to the fat retard at Sun that danced to the cadence of a sentence when there was no music playing.  Thanks to the adulterer who gave us liquor soaked fruit.  Thanks to the cops for grabbing Sean and letting the rest of us make it thru with our beer.  Mo, sorry I passed out before we made it to the restaurant.

Believe it or not, this website is not just some internet chump.  It’s a highly technical network much like a 1920’s pimp working several different corners all the while letting each think they are my special place.  I put information on this site, then my bottom bitch (twitter) spreads herpes the word to those waiting for the next post.  A few of my other bitches (facebook, google, etc) help promote me as well and I’m always on the look out for another way to get my name out there keep my pimp hand strong.

This week while looking for new corners, the RSS feed for the very blog that you’re reading was rejected because “The content is inappropriate for syndication.”  I didn’t get pissed off or go on some freedom of speech rant.  I’m completely aware I’m allowed to say whatever I want, but nobody has to listen or help me repeat it.  I wasn’t disappointed that I was rejected.  No, I’m actually kind of proud.  I’m not the edgiest comic on the block (Doug Stanhope).  I don’t have a lot of life experiences that scare the average human (Kerry White).  No one has ever had to tape my pants on so I wouldn’t pull my dick out on stage (Paul Hooper).  I’ve never convinced an entire room full of people that retard porn is good for the economy (Matt Davis).  I’ve never called a flag magnet the “aids ribbon of patriotism” (still my favorite hardcore line from Josh Goguen).  And I’ve never got a standing ovation while mimicking a kick to my mother’s chemo bag (Mo Alexander).

Nope, I’m just a loud, arrogant, hick that likes to yell about living with 6 vaginas in a small town in the south.  As simple as that sounds to both you and me, today I’m pretty proud of the fact that a nameless/faceless soul found the time to put his pizza and chocolate milk on his mother’s counter long enough to greasily poke out an email to let me know he actually read my blog and as the spokesperson for the uncensored world of internet syndication he has deemed my thoughts too dirty to help me spread my seed to soccer moms in western Iowa.  Thank you sir for your honesty and I consider your opinion a compliment.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to watch a video of that same western Iowa soccer mom unscrewing the lid off the shampoo in her pussy without twisting the bottle.

Matt Davis and me + beer + a guy who wants someone to pay to punch him in he face + a pocket full of cash = video gold.

Thanks to flipcam (now in HD) you get to see what it’s like when I ignore my children and leave my house to get trashed and point out the flaws of the less fortunate.

This is my friend Andy and his ridiculous hair.  Drunks in the background = me and Matt Davis.

The proof is at exit 99 on I-79 where for less than $7 you can purchase a final meal that will make you shit your own heart.

Photo credit goes to Matt Davis. If all goes well this weekend I’ll post some more pictures he took of his girlfriend’s vagina.

The line up from an old Sin Show in Matthews, NC

Anyone that’s followed my career the last few years knows that I try to work at as many of Matt Davis‘ Sin Shows as possible.  They pop up in various cities around the country, sometimes in a comedy club, some times a rock venue, and if the economy doesn’t swing up in the near future they may become a place where comics fight to blow CEO’s for gas money.  As for now though they seem to be doing well and I enjoy stopping by to drop vulgar rants in front of the staff of the local Hot Topic and a the occasional rehab drop out (thanks for coming by Joe).  There are always two constants at any Sin Show:

1.  There will be vulgar comments made about our friends in the room.  My worst was probably when my sister decided to stop in and was greeted with “for those of you who only banged her twice, her name is Heather.” 

2.  Someone who’s going up is getting thrown to the wolves… whether they like it or not.

You see, the Sin Show is about showcasing the material of a certain group of comics.  Most of the time this is material that won’t normally fly in a comedy club for fear that comment cards may affect our house payments.  The only rule is that there are no rules.  None.  Say what you want, but remember it’s still comedy so make it funny or suffer the consequences.  Okay so there is one rule but since we’re comics and not toastmasters we’re supposed to know that shit going in.  The problem with designing a show around material that doesn’t normally work in a comedy club, is that most comics don’t write material unless they can perform it in a comedy club.  There are a few exceptions like Matt, myself, Kerry White, Josh Goguen, Mo Alexander, Paul Hooper, Jason Barnes (whom I’ve just met and is very promising), and a few others who will be pissed I got tired of adding links.  The guy that I’m talking about however is does not write like we do.  Not yet anyway.  But Matt puts him up.  Either to watch him sweat, to make us laugh crowd be damned, or maybe just to give him a shot which the first time he will normally blow (like we all have).  

The best of this bait set is most likely Joe Zimmerman.  Joe is not a vulgar comic, and certainly can’t be described as energetic.  But, he’s funny as fuck… sometimes only to other comics but the crowds are quickly catching up.  His crowd is not a Sin Show crowd yet time after time when Matt has put him up he has held his own.  He stands there confident in his material, and creeps the crowd out until they give up and admit he’s funny.  I highly recommend anyone that reads this track down some of Joe’s videos and watch them.  Then go back a few days later and watch them again.  You will understand by then.

So if you see a Sin Show on my schedule or anyone other comic, stop in.  You can be assured that you’ll hear things you cringed just thinking about, you’ll see things difficult to describe, and one comic just won’t fit.  He’s usually my favorite.