Stacy Keach has been around a lot longer than I thought

I’m growing tired of parents who insist on encouraging children who obviously suck, and then make excuses when they fail.  You get one lie.  Lie to me or the kid.  If you tell your kid he can be a doctor and then explain to me the reason he sweeps the floor in a sock factory is because he was sick for a month in the 2nd grade, you’re fucking with the natural order of the universe.

I honestly don’t mind hearing your excuses as long as you give them to me in front of the kid.  But I get really aggravated when little Keanu Diesel is eating cereal with his feet and you whisper to me it’s because he fell off the bed and landed on his head when he was eight months old.  Maybe that wasn’t the cause of his problems.  Maybe that was the first sign that he’s a dumb motherfucker.  Admit this to yourself and the rest of us will stop clenching in fear every time your teenage water head walks past a lawnmower.

At the same time lets all admit no one can be anything they want to be.  Obama can be president but he wouldn’t make it three days running a go cart track in Myrtle Beach.  The eight year old that spent his parent’s lot rent on the same track will never be president.  His parents work in the mill and hate being told what to do so they come home everyday and the roles reverse and now they’re the boss and they get to tell him what to do so they control every aspect of his life conditioning him to be unable to function effectively without someone else in charge until he finally realizes his father’s main function in life was to hold his spot at the mill.

One lie people.  Anything else is all yin and no yang.

find the hooker, preacher, and the food stamps and win a free ipod

I’ve never really been much of a religious person.  Actually, that’s an understatement I’ve never understood religion at all.  I’m not a hateful atheist I just read a lot and understand that every religious book is nothing more than a collection of stories meant to keep the tribes from constantly uprising.  You know, like Obama’s youtube videos.  

If you would’ve asked me if there was a god a week ago I would’ve answered no, probably not.  But that was a week ago.  Something has happened and now I’m forced to question all I’ve ever believed.  Yesterday I sat in my office pissed at the world.  The economy is taking it’s toll on my finances.  On top of that it seems more and more lately I’m dealing with people who have no idea on how the world really works.  In the last month I’ve listened to a small town plumber explain that he can fix the economy with a tank and a 13 year old girl call Obama a nigger terrorist (I’m fairly certain she can’t spell 3 of the last 4 words of that sentence).  Yesterday I’d had enough of the shit.  I just wanted it all to stop.  Stop the hypocrisy.  Stop  the stupidity.  Stop the close minded bullshit.  That was yesterday.

Today I woke up and Myrtle Beach is on fire.

It's as if the sign can predict the future

This train track runs thru the middle of the small town I live in.  There are five places to cross the tracks within a 1/2 mile and two of them are impossible with a truck and a trailer.  The town is littered with signs informing drivers of this issue yet at least once a week I get to look at a scene exactly like the one above I photographed this morning.  There are however a few things the picture doesn’t show you:

1.  The man in orange is attempting to jack up a fully loaded 53′ trailer and rest it on a wooden pallet.  

2.  On the other side of the truck is a train waiting very impatiently.

3.  This has been going on for 3 hours.

4.  In 15 more minutes, there will be two trains waiting… only the next one is coming the opposite direction.

5.  Someone in the crowd watching this fiasco is blaming it on Obama.

This is the problem with living in a free country.  If the same scenario took place in China the truck driver would have pulled that trailer thru an elementary school to keep from disobeying those signs.  I think we can all learn something from this.  Instructions on signs must be followed.

Now that Obama has started his new job I think it’s time he answered the questions we all have:

1. Why didn’t the secret service shoot Jamie Foxx when he gave you the “what’s up playa” point Sunday night? You’re the first black president not the last nigga to roll up to da club.
2. Whose idea was it to put Herbie Hancock on stage with Sheryl Crow and Will I. Am? A jazz legend, a rock whore, and who?
3. Is Joaquin Phoenix’s rap career a matter of national security? He’s pissing on the grave of Johnny Cash… Again.
4. Why did Aretha look like a 600 pound wedding cake topper?

The people demand answers sir. These are not the changes we were looking for.

The extent of my 2008 political material was simply a joke about how if you really look at the TV all you have is an old white guy and a young black guy arguing and that hasn’t been on primetime since the 70’s when we had All in the Family.  Now the election is over and once again the old white guy looks like an ass, I can retire this material and move on to discussing things I actually know something about.  But before I do, here’s where I stand on a few of the issues I heard during the past election.

Free Shitty Healthcare

Aren’t we the same country that thinks our healthcare sucks?  We can’t rid the earth of cancer, AIDS, or Crabs?  We can wipe the plague from the face of the earth but we still have crabs hiding in hotel room sheets (I swear that’s where they came from)?  If we don’t believe it’s working properly, why does it matter who pays the bill?

Pry it from my cold dead fingers

I’ve read more NRA propaganda saying that in 2009 they’re going to take away the guns.  Here’s an idea assholes.  Instead of preaching to the choir, how about educating politician who may not be aware of how gun control effects the masses.  The smartest thing I ever heard Obama say on gun control was a statement he made admitting he was wrong in supporting a shitty IL gun control law.  The smartest thing I ever heard an NRA spokesperson say is…

Joe Biden is an asshole

Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face.  Ah…Shhhh.  In the damn face.

I can’t say it any better than my girls.